What’s the difference between frugal and cheap?

I consider myself somewhat frugal and sometimes all the way into the cheap category. If I have to buy something, I’d like to get a good deal on it and admit that I sometimes (er, even often) shop in some of the discount stores that steal business from small shopkeepers. Yes, I know I’m part of the problem. Still, I avoid Sprawl*Mart as much as possible although to be inconsistent I sometimes shop at the local K*Fart which always looks as though it’s on the cusp of failure but it’s only two miles from our house and there isn’t anything closer that carries stupid household things that you sometimes need but no one in our boutique-laden downtown carries any longer because it’s been gentrified to a point where it’s lovely and too pricy for most of the locals. Listen to me make excuses.

I sometimes clip coupons but usually forget to use them before they expire. And horror of horrors, I do most of my (limited) book shopping at Amazon rather than my local independent bookstore although I try to get most of my books at the library. I rarely read anything more than once. At least I donate the books to the library when I’m done with them.

Ben and I have different views of money. He thinks “I’ll make more” and buys the new gadget he wants without a second thought while I kick myself when I shell out money to replace Sam’s wardrobe each season. Ben is definitely neither cheap nor frugal.

I think I’m relatively frugal and am happy that I don’t have to be downright cheap like I was in the college years when I had $5 for food for the week. Ramen noodles and bagels, why do you ask? Sometimes I feel cheap but then I hear about things other people do and don’t know if I’d really qualify.

What’s the difference between frugal and cheap?

I wouldn’t return something I used for months (or even wore once) and then didn’t want any longer. Based on changing return policies at stores, it appears that lots of people do. But I get angry when I’m charged a 15% restocking fee for a consumer electronic device we returned right away because it didn’t work. And yes, we had a receipt.

Is it cheap or frugal to calculate a 15% tip at a restaurant to the penny making sure to exclude all the taxes? I can’t be bothered to be that precise but I know people who do just that. Of course there are also the people who believe that 15% is way too much to tip.

Then there are the opportunities for taking advantage of quick service restaurants. I wonder how often it happens. I never get soda but I ask for a cup so I can get water from the self-serve area but there would be nothing to stop me from taking soda if I wanted. I bet people do. Or people who take milk from the coffee area rather than buy milk to drink.

There is a Great Harvest Bread here and they offer a free slice each and every time. I sometimes take them up on it, sometimes don’t but only go there when I plan to buy a loaf of bread. I wonder how many people go there and just take the sample and leave? Similarly, the Lindt store here offers a free chocolate truffle to each customer. I’m tempted to take the sample and run (mmmm, chocolate) but feel obligated to buy. Am I?

I avoid going to any of the Tupperware-style parties because I don’t feel like overpaying for something I don’t want just so I can attend the party. I feel that way about almost all fundraising. Just ask for a donation, why don’t you? Cheap or frugal?

How about gift giving. I like to find things that are perfect for someone but I don’t like to feel obligated to do it or do it on a schedule. I rail against seemingly mandatory gift giving occasions. I’d happily bake or cook something for someone rather than give someone a gift they don’t want or need. Cheap or frugal?

Can anyone really evaluate their own cheapness or frugality or is it all in the eyes of the beholder?