Please don't make me shop again

On Sunday while I was doing yoga I realized that the leggings I was wearing dated back to the early 90's. They have multiple holes, ride down at the waist, ride up at the bottom and are nearly transparent. Let's just say it's very good that I wasn't in public. I decided that I needed to go find some new exercise clothes since nearly everything I have is ancient and new clothing is great motivation, right? Oh, and while I was at it I decided to get a new yoga mat since mine was disintegrating all over the floor so when I finished, my entire body was decorated with little blue pieces of mat and the floor was strewn with mat wreckage. Vaccuuming after yoga does not maintain my serenity.

It was easy to find a yoga mat -- I found an orange cheapie that I have yet to try. I saw there are some 'green' yoga mats out there made of, er, bamboo or rushes or some such thing but I read a review of it that said it shreaded after only a few weeks. Now the person doing the review was a yoga teacher so I expect she was using it more than I ever would but still, the mats are about $45 and for that I expect some longevity, wouldn't you?

Before I get into my clothing search, I want to take a bit of time to bitch a bit about clothing sizes. Good god, what the hell is going on? I like my exercise clothes to be sort of big so they don't pull or bind or highlight any unattractive bulges so I usually buy size XL and enjoy the fact that they're very comfy. I did a quick search of the rack, pulled out a few some XL pants and tried them on. They were so big they wouldn't stay up which is odd since I think that every pair of exercise pants I currently own are XL's. I know its vanity sizing but damn it all, I hate not being able to be able to predict sizes.

As an aside, at least TJ Maxx and Marshalls finally allow more than 6 items in their dressing rooms. They finally figured out that their policy was making work for the attendent or something but that was a good thing.

After trying on what seemed like 100 things, I ended buying exactly 0 pairs of workout pants and one top. I liked the looks of another top but when I moved my arms it rubbed on the fabric and that would annoy the crap out of me when I'm on the dreadmill or doing yoga so I decided to step away from the top. I'm finally learning, aren't I?

I discovered that Danskin seems to run a bit more true to size but there was some reason I didn't like the pants I tried on...I think they had a seam on them that made my ass look stupid. As though it's smart. Random seams are not helpful for deemphasizing a less than stellar back end.

I also tried on a couple of swimsuits simply because they were there and I don't really need one. My problem with bathing suits is that if it fits through the bottom half it's way too big on the top. Big empty saggy bathing suit cups are probably a Glamour Don't. Wouldn't it seem as though the right answer would be a tankini? But no, those emphasize my rather spongy midsection because of the waistband so I get a lovely bulge. Very sexy.

Is it my imagination or does it seem as though swimming suit elastic is now designed to disintegrate after only six uses? I have three suits and two of the three seem to have that problem causing them to ride up in the back. The other is a nice suit but I haven't been wearing it because I keep seeing a very large, very old woman at the pool wearing the exact same suit and while I know it's silly, I just don't like the association. I'd wear it someplace else though.

Now, since we've already established that I'm a member of the itty bitty titty committee I'm going to talk about bras. I hate shopping for them but since most of my bras seem to be from the same era as my leggings and provide absolutely no support, I thought that while I was in the stores shopping for despicable things like bathing suits it might be a good time to break down and try some on. For the record, in my world an "A" cup is too little, a "B" cup is too large and absolutely nothing fits right. I made a wonderful discovery though, bra manufacturers, at least some of them, have finally discovered that there is likely a profit to be made by making half sizes. Alas they had only one bra in my size. But the knowledge that they're out there is heartening. I bet they've already discontinued them.

I also found a pair of jeans for $15, originally priced at $125. Who spends $125 on jeans anyway? Does this mean I can spend an additional $115 on more jeans? That's the Benconomics way.