My whacky neighbor is whackier than your whacky neighbor

Want proof?

Last night when I got home from work there was a firetruck, the fire captain's car, and a police car on the street. Our tiny little dead end street. I wondered what was going on but didn't go check it out because things were generally quiet and there were no lights and sirens. I knew I'd hear the story later.

After dinner, Sam and I went outside to see if we could find some entertainment and ran into one of our neighbors who told me that the reason for the trucks was that WhackyBarb had once again decided to mix up a toxic cocktail of gasoline, kerosene, and whateversine that she uses to preserve the logs she uses as retaining walls. The reek is impressive and it permeates the neighborhood each time she does it, about once a year. It's also illegal.

Every year someone calls one of the various authorities to complain and this year it all came to a head. One of the neighbors called the City to complain about the smell. WhackyBarb got a visit and told them to fuck off which didn't sit well with the person who then called the fire department and police. WhackyBarb has a history with all the various city, fire, and police departments because she both complains and is complained about on a very regular basis* and I think what happened yesterday was a result of some existing bad karma.

After the various trucks and people showed up, she got in her car and zoomed out of there, nearly hitting the policeman on the way out. He didn't take kindly to this so he got in his car and peeled out after her but she escaped. When I went outside, the policeman and fire marshal were staking out her house and the fire truck had gone.

Shortly after we went outside, she returned. The fire marshal parked his car blocking the road while she marched into the house and locked the door. They tried to talk to her but she wasn't interested in listening.

The solution? They called the Department of Public Works to come and remove all her beloved and toxic logs. A huge backhoe and dumptruck made their way up our tiny street and began moving some of the logs. WhackyBarb started screaming "You can't do this! Get out of my yard!" and jumped into the bucket of the bucketloader. That's when the police bodily removed her, a 79 year old woman, cuffed her, and dragged her kicking and screaming to the police car in front of just about every person on the street.

Schaedenfreud mixed with guilt and dismay. I turned Sam away from the action, he didn't need to see it and I didn't need to see it either yet I couldn't quite turn away. This woman has a few screws loose but she's never harmed me and I know she does things like get involved in local issues and volunteer at the hospital. She's very antisocial so no one knows if she has family or anyone else who might be able to help.

Several people tried to talk to her to calm her down including Minister Brick but the police ended up taking her away. Some other neighbors followed to see if there was anything they could do.

At this point it was about 8pm and the public works dudes were getting at least time and a half to remove the logs. Some logs were too large and needed to be cut so they called the fire department back, concerned the logs would break into flames as they were cut. The firemen put on their full suits, tanks, masks and had the hose aimed and ready to go as one of them cut the logs with the chainsaw. No fire broke out and remaining logs were moved without incident.

We were then told that public works was going to come out and dig out the ground under and around the logs to remove the rest of the material right away. They started at about 9pm and were still there around midnight.

We were aware of the time because suddenly we heard a bunch of men yelling "Stop right now!" and "Get away!" followed by her screaming at them "You can't do this! Get off my property."

So she's safely back at home, ready for the next drama.


*Last night I heard two gossipy stories about her as we milled around. One is that she drilled holes in the house next door to her because she was stalking the man who lived there and thought that his girlfriend wasn't treating him well. The other is that the last straw for neighbors on the other side was when she put metal spikes on the sidewalk to prevent the kids from riding their bikes on the sidewalk in front of her house.

Holy crap! Local tv station vans just drove up the street. Are they really going to do a story on this? Is it really news?

Updated: They think it's news because of the chemicals. No one on the street would talk to the cameras because we all live here and don't want to alienate her even more. We have no idea of what she's capable of doing.

Oh, and the news crew told us that at some point during the midnight scuffle she hit one of the public works guy with a snowshovel...