Cruel evil mommy

Toys seem to multiply by themselves and every now and then I need to tame the stacks. Last night I piled some things into the car to drop off at Sam's school, things he hasn't looked at in ages. The plan? After dropping Sam off, go back to the car and bring them in so he wouldn't see them.

This is Sam's last week at daycare. He starts kindergarten in September. We've been talking about it quite a lot lately and I think he's having trouble processing this change in his routine. He's been at this place since he was a baby.

This morning we had the worst drop off in five years. First, he was hanging on to me as though if I left he'd never see me again. We sat and cuddled for a bit. Finally I handed him of to one of the teachers and he said he'd wave goodbye in the window overlooking the parking lot.

We did our usual signs: I love you, goodbye, hugs.

Sam wouldn't leave the window. I got in the car and drove around the building where he couldn't see me.

I asked one of the other parents if he was still at the window and was told no.

You know where this is going, don't you?

I picked up the toys and the second I got within window range he popped up and saw me.

When I came out after delivering the toys he was still at the window but now he was weeping big old alligator tears, wiping his eyes, and looking as though his heart was breaking.

I felt his sadness in the pit of my stomach. This was different from the bad drop offs of the past because in the past, as soon as I turned the corner out of his room he stopped crying and I knew he was fine. This time he'll be sad for days and will play the guilt card repeatedly. "Remember when you gave my toys away and I was really sad?"