Changing the focus

It's been more than a year and a half since Ben moved out; the divorce has been final for more than six months. It's been challenging, I've learned a lot and now it's time to move on. What does that mean? It means it's time to think about dating! But I'm not alone in debating the value of dating and what I want in a man, Beth is doing the same. So we put our heads together and developed a very low bar for dating deal breakers - All Potential Dates MUST be:

1. Single
2. Employed
3. Straight
4. Not an alcoholic
5. Not a felon
6. Not diagnosable under the DSM-IV (successfully treated ADHD and caffeine addiction excepted)
7. Not a whack- job [negotiable]
8. Not afraid to eat cheese

We pictured this as the "refrigerator list." You know, post it and NEVER EVER break the rules. We agreed we would NOT judge ourselves for our past mistakes.

But a list like this must also be shared with our other single female friends for feedback and modification. So now there is a top 50! Sorry guys! (As though any guys read my blog!)

1. single. If divorced, divorce must be final. "Separated" does not count.
2. GAINFULLY employed
3 (a). straight but not obnoxiously homophobic
3 (b). straight but willing to hire a gay decorator or let you hire one.
3 (c). straight but does not hit on waitresses in order to prove it
3 (d). straight and NEVER wears Speedo style bikini swimwear no matter HOW straight he otherwise is or seems to be
3 (e). straight but knows how to mix a good Cosmopolitan
3 (f). gay, but who cares? You'll have more fun, no pressure for unwanted sex, and someone who will commiserate when you undergo liposuction
4 (a). not an alcoholic
4 (b). not an alcoholic but HAS consumed alcohol (i.e. not a weird Mormon type who has never touched alcohol and might be an as-yet untested potential future alcoholic)
5. not a felon [multiple misdemeanor convictions will equal a felon because they demonstrate lack of judgment and/or lack of impulse control]
6. not diagnosable under the DSM-IV (exceptions: ADHD and caffeine addiction, and mild OCD if it means a clean house and good organization of files and papers)
7. not a whack- job
8. not afraid to eat cheese [exception: Japanese. They will not eat cheese and I would forgive them. More cheese for me!]
9. credit rating of at least 700. (this is the Tom Lycis radio personality criterion for an acceptable opposite sex partner and I see the wisdom in it)
10. takes good care of teeth
11. possesses decent grammar awareness
12. has a back-up credit card for emergencies
13. 10 extra bonus points for long George Clooney-like eyelashes
14. has thighs bigger than yours so you never feel fat but is otherwise not fat
15. knows how to roll a joint (even if not currently interested in doing so. Shows a youth that was not overly sheltered and probably a healthy skepticism of law enforcement)
16. has decent (not minimal) level of auto insurance in case he drives your car
17. is willing to see films with sub-titles
18. is not a sports fanatic to the exclusion of other life activities (OK if they have one favored sport, or one favored team, and engage sporadically, as long as they don't care if you don't accompany them to games or to Superbowl parties)
19. knows how to use basic tools like screwdrivers, hammers, saws, drills, wrenches (See "straight" above...)
20. . if he has a really geeky or boring career/occupation, he knows enough not to torture people with the details of it in social situations.
21. if he has children, then they are either grown up and living on their own, or if minor children, they are living full time with his ex-wife and her new hubby (she must have new hubby or the guy will end up taking up too much man slack)
22. he does not weird out over guns (too obsessed/macho or too timid/fearful)
23. not a drug addict
24. not a gambling addict
25. not a sex addict
26. not a cigarette addict
27. not a computer / video game addict
28. does not go to massage parlors
29. uses condoms without issues or weird attitude
30. has health insurance
31. smokes cigars either never, or once in a blue moon for some odd occasion.
32. does not say "Maine - is that a state? Never heard of it" unless he is a foreign national
33. does not expect you to run marathons
34. does not resent you if you make more money than he does (See above - he still must be gainfully employed)
35. is not a mama's boy
36. Is not astrologically incompatible, and does not believe in astrology because otherwise he'd be a whack-job
37. 10 extra bonus points if he can sing really well.
38. 10 extra bonus points if he can play a musical instrument
39. No spray tans
40. does not trim pubic hair into weird formations
41. does not expect you to trim pubic hair into weird formations
42. remains confused about what a "Brazilian" wax job looks like
43. does not speak with an accent that has an unendurable meter, lilt, or other affectation
44. 10 extra bonus points if he does not snore
45. 20 extra bonus points if he does not care if YOU snore
46. his dwelling is not overrun with smelly or annoying pets of any kind
47. knows the difference between Chablis and chardonnay
48. if vegetarian, does not preach it to everybody
49. has a valid driver's license
50. has a plan for his life

Step right up! I'm taking applications NOW.