How to make a lemon meringue pie

This method is suggested for use on your first ever lemon meringue pie just to maximize frustration. Remember that the instructions say that you must put the meringue on HOT filling so it’s all about coordinating the pieces to have the filling and meringue done at the same time.

• Attempt to read recipe while small child screams “mama mama mama come play with me!”
• Decide that it might be worthwhile to cheat and use a frozen piecrust just this once even though it does NOT meet the standard for dessert pies. It does, however, meet the stand for quiche so it’s kept it in the house for quiche emergencies. Do not question the double standard.
• Put the crust in the oven to bake.
• Separate eggs while small child screams “I want to do it!”
• Zest and juice lemons while ignoring the screaming.
• Remove child from front of oven and take out the crust.
• Measure sugar while small child drags chair to the counter saying “I want to eat sugar.” Rescue sugar, put it away, place screaming child on floor, and remove chair.
• Measure cornstarch while small child continues screaming.
• Mix sugar and corn starch. Add water, stir, place on medium heat and stir continuously. Watch small child build a tower of breakable glasses.
• Attempt to remove lumps from the cream of tarter while monitoring and supposedly stirring the filling.
• Dump cream of tarter in with the egg whites and wonder if it’s normal for it to turn kind of an orange color. Shrug and start the mixer while small child clings to legs.
• Step over the toys now populating the kitchen floor to go back to stirring the filling.
• Add sugar to the mixer. Step over toys and stir filling.
• Add sugar to mixer. Step over toys and stir filling.
• Add sugar to mixer. Step over toys and stir filling.
• Yell at Sam to stop eating the clay.
• Add sugar to mixer. Step over toys and stir filling.
• Remove filling from stove and slowly add about half of it to the egg yolks while telling Sam that no, he can’t help. Yay! No curdling.
• Stir the egg mixture back into the rest of the filling.
• Shake child from leg.
• Finish mixing the meringue while having no real knowledge of the correct final texture.
• Pour filling into piecrust while hoping it has remained sufficiently hot.
• Remove Sam’s fingers from the meringue and hand him the spoon from the filling as bribery to get out of my way.
• Spread the meringue on the filling while hoping for the best.
• Push kidlet away from the oven door and place pie in oven.
• Bake 12 minutes while cleaning up toys, clay, pans, bowls, utensils, and Sam.
• Remove from oven.
• Rejoice that the meringue didn’t fall.

The pie looks ok but not great. The meringue has started to weep a bit and I’m not sure if that means I overmixed it, undermixed it, had bad cream of tarter, didn’t seal it properly, or made some other unknown mistake. Any suggestions? It appears I must do a bit of meringue research. It appears to be edible which is a very good sign. I’ll make more, preferable without my anti-helper. Ben has volunteered to participate as a taste tester.