Remember way back when Sam decided he wanted to live on a farm? He's been saving his allowance ever since. We also went to the store and cashed in his bottles and he's been carefully hoarding his cash ever since.
The bottle return cash reminded Sam that there are other methods of cash acquisition other than waiting for the allowance to show up and he got ambitious, wandering all over the house in search of lost coins. He checked under couch cushions, on top of the dryer, in his room, eagerly adding each coin to the collection.
"Mama, how much is $44.07 +$59?"
"Don't you mean $0.59?"
"No, $59"
I added it for him just for fun.
The next day I went to get money out of my wallet and oops, only $15? Didn't I have more? Did he really..........
I had a full day to stew about it and debated if it would be more effective to be angry or to be disappointed. When I got home I suggested that we could count his money to see how much he really had. Oh yes, he had more than he should have although honestly I don't know how much he took.
"Sam, did you take money from my purse?"
It's amazing how long he can look around without looking me in the eye.
"Sam, did you?"
Small affirmative nod.
"You know what that is, right?"
"Yes."
"What is it?"
"Stealing."
And then I went on to talk about how sad I was that he stole money from me and that it's wrong to steal and how much he'd hate to have anyone steal from him, the usual parental guilt process.
There were tears, long sad tears. But the truth is I don't know if he was crying because he was embarrassed about what he did, angry because I took the money back, or just mad he got caught.
I did make him promise he wouldn't steal again. I hope I can trust that promise.
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2 comments:
Awwww. I'm tempted to think whatever the source of tears, he's associating stealing with feeling bad. I'm pretty sure he feels bad about disappointing you as part of his reaction.
When I was about 5, I received a calculator for Christmas (this was long enough ago that pocket ones were somewhat rare and precious things). We went to a racquet club where my mom played racketball and I was in the lounge playing with my toys, including the calculator. When we got ready to go, it was gone. We looked all over, and asked the people there if someone had picked it up. It was nowhere to be found.
I was crying, of course. My mom sat me down and said, "you know how sad you feel right now? This is why we never steal, because it makes someone feel like this." It didn't make me feel better at the time, but I never shook that association (not that I was that prone to stealing anyway).
When I was in kindergarden, fellow student Anthony Cortogeen stole $20from his mother's purse. It was a huge scandel, and I remember it to this day! We all talked about it in hushed tones.
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